


Take My Breath Away

by daddylongfingers



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Antisocial Lexa, F/F, Gun Violence, High School, Kinda slow burn but not too much, Lexa doesn't talk much, Love, Mentions of Character Death, Mentions of Suicide, Nerdy Lexa, No character death during the story though, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Shy lexa, Traumatized Clarke, panic disorder, potentially triggering material
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-10 18:48:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7000207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daddylongfingers/pseuds/daddylongfingers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Panic attacks never fail to leave Clarke Griffin breathless. But when a particularly hard one is interrupted by the school's mystery new girl who never speaks a word to anyone, Clarke finds herself left breathless for a new reason.</p><p>Or the one where Clarke has a panic disorder and Lexa is the only one who can make her feel better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breathtaking

**Author's Note:**

> I had an idea for a Clexa AU fanfic a while back, and I just now decided to write it. This is actually my first piece of Clexa fanfiction I've ever written, so any and all feedback is welcome and appreciated. 
> 
> A quick warning though: The following chapter contains a vivid description of a panic attack. If you are in any way triggered by this, please do not read. It's not very graphic, but it still contains details and emotions throughout one. Please read with discretion.
> 
> On another note, I have never experienced a panic attack before, so if any information is inaccurate or false, please let me know and I will fix it. All my information came from the internet, so please keep that in mind. 
> 
> With that, I hope you enjoy.

_No, no, no. Please. Please, don't let this happen now_.

This can't be happening. There's no way Clarke's luck has turned _this_ sour in just a matter of a few months. It's just... not possible.

_Stop. Stop it! Oh god, I feel like I'm gonna die._

Clarke leaned against her locker, breaths coming out in harsh, breathy gasps. _Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Why did this have to happen now?_

_You can't let anyone see you like this. Get to the bathroom, Griffin. Now!_

Clarke obliged to her conscience's orders, quickly shutting her locker and stumbling as gracefully as possible to the bathroom across the hall, very poorly trying to conceal her obvious frantic state. She threw open the bathroom door immediately and flung herself in, praying it wasn't occupied this early in the morning.

_God, of course this had to happen now. I thought you had these under control by now, Griffin. It's been 2 months for heavens sake!_

Clarke scanned the bathroom quickly before internally releasing a sigh of relief at it's vacant state. Thank god. At least something has gone right today.

She immediately made her way to the back wall of the bathroom. She couldn't handle standing anymore. _Yeah, these episodes are starting to get bad_.

They hadn't always been so bad. The first time she'd gotten them had been about 3 months after the incident. She'd just started panicking in the middle of class. She felt her lungs constrict and her air pipe close up. She felt her stomach churn and nausea arise rapidly within her. She felt herself get red in the face and start sweating profusely. She felt like she was going to _die_. For 30 whole seconds, she felt like she was about to fall out of her seat, keel over, and _die_.

Luckily, she'd had a mind enough not to make a scene during class about it, and thus, hadn't made a complete fool of herself. It had only been 30 seconds, but back then, that seemed like hell. She realizes now, as she's panting and practically crying from stress on the bathroom floor of her high school, that it's quite sad she feels like 30 seconds in hell is child's play by now. They've only gotten worse since the first one. _Much, much worse._

Clarke buried her head in her knees and desperately tries to get her racing heart to calm and rapid breathing to slow. She had to get 1st period on time today. Ms. Indra would crucify her for being late _again_.

Although, Clarke is kinda thankful for that. Every teacher and student has been treating Clarke like glass ever since the incident. Like she'd break if they pushed her too hard. And Clarke _hated_ it. She hated being treated differently than everyone else, just because of what happened. However, Ms. Indra had never taken it easy on Clarke. Although the whole town had heard about what happened to Clarke's father during the summer, including Ms. Indra, she still never treated Clarke tentatively like everyone else. And Clarke appreciated it.

She remembers on the first day of school, when all anyone could talk about was what had happened 3 weeks prior, Clarke, dressed in an over-sized sweater and yoga pants, sluggishly walked into her first class of the day 3 minutes late. She still laughs at the memory of all her classmates' mortified faces when Indra had stopped her lecture, turned towards Clarke, and remarked “You're late, Ms. Griffin” in her infamous 'I mean business voice'. Clarke had just looked up, given a small smile, and said (in the most expressive voice she'd used in a while), “Sorry, Ms. Indra. I won't let it happen again.” Ms. Indra had nodded, returning the smallest of smiles (although huge by her standards) back to her, and continued the lecture as if nothing had happened. She knew the truth though. That most definitely wouldn't be the last time Clarke would be late to class. She knew it, Clarke knew it, and all of her classmates knew it.

_Come on, heart. You're not running a damn marathon, you know! You can slow down now!_

Clarke knew it wouldn't be that easy. These days, her panic attacks lasted at least 5 minutes every time she had them. _At least._

Clarke buried her head into her arms more. _God, when did life get so fu-_

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a creaky door opening and the sounds of footsteps resounding against the bathroom floor.

 _Oh no. Oh shit! Okay, just stay cal- oh right. Her body freaking can't because she's having a god damn panic attack. This is not good_.

Clarke just stays where she is, desperately trying to calm her body down. Panic attacks are stubborn though, and tend to not listen to what their mind tells them.

_Shocker._

She hears the footsteps suddenly stop and Clarke knows they've seen her by now. She outwardly whimpers as she's hit with a vivid flashback of the incident.

_**Walking. Laughing. Shouting. Gun. Bullets. Screaming. Pain. Blood. Darkness.** _

She feels herself get sucked into the memory and that's when her panic attack really heightens. Her breaths get even more erratic, her trembling becomes even more pronounced, her tears cascade down her face at a rapid pace, and her nausea makes her feel as if she might pass out any second.

She's forgotten about the footsteps and the presence of another person by now. All she's focusing on is breathing. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Ou-

Clarke jumps when she feels a tentative hand touch her shoulder, but she doesn't pull her face out of her knees. The touch had reminded her that someone is actually in here with her. In other words, they see Clarke Griffin, former carefree lover of life who laughed and smiled all the damn time, at her absolute worst in the bathroom. This was humiliating. Clarke couldn't bring herself to look at the presumably mortified face of the person above her. It'd make her even _more_ panicky, and she most definitely did not need that right now.

She feels the hand on her shoulder move to her back and a body slowly slide down the wall next to her. She finds it odd how the person hadn't spoken yet, some bullshit like, “Oh my god, just breathe, it'll all be okay I promise. Just breathe.” The person is silent, the only thing indicating her presence to Clarke being the light pressure on her back and the sound of quiet breaths taken at an even pace.

Clarke is beyond confused by now, but when another flashback hits, all thoughts of the looming figure are put off once again.

**_She hears the raspy, harsh voice and her father's quiet placating words. She sees the metal of the gun, barrel pointed directly at her father. She hears the muffled shouting that barely registers in her ears before the first shot goes off. Then the next. Then the next. Everything is a blur now. She drops to her knees, ignoring the sounds of retreating footsteps into the nearby alley. She sees her father lying on the ground, breath ragged, a dark, expanding red spot on his chest. She hears his last words to her before his gaze turns glassy. She doesn't even register the exploding pain in her shoulder or her increasing dizziness before everything goes black. Everything is numb._ **

**_She is numb._ **

When Clarke awakens, she immediately becomes aware of the comfy position her head is in, situated in someone's lap. She then feels the tentative stroking of her hair by a soft hand, and it takes her no more than a moment to realize she must have passed out during the panic attack.

She feels strangely relaxed now, no longer scrounging for air or fighting for consciousness and control. She suspects the gentle hand somehow calming her down with the most delicate of touches has something to do with how well she recovered. It usually takes her a while to gather her bearings after an attack, and this is the most at ease she's ever felt after an episode.

Hell, this is the most relaxed she's felt in _months_.

She has to know now. She has to know why the hell this person stayed for her. She has to know how they managed to calm her down so efficiently. She has to know _who_ this person is.

She shifts her head slightly and, much to Clarke's dismay, the fingers halt their escapade of Clarke's head, retracting back quickly. Clarke, now more confused than ever, slowly, deliberately, lifts her head from the stranger's lap to their face, gasping when she realizes who it is.

She hadn't been expecting that. In fact, she was one of the last people Clarke would have ever suspected to be responsible. Yet there she was, in her infamous oversized sweater and baggy jeans, a pair of thin black spectacles framing her face. Her hair was braided into a fishtail, as it was everyday, and her book, the one she carried with her everywhere, tucked under her arm.

Lexa Woods.

Clarke was shocked. She gaped at the girl in front of her, who stared straight ahead with a blank look on her face, the only indication of her nerves the tight grip her teeth had on her bottom lip. She worried it through her teeth a few times, before looking at the ground, and after a few moments, getting off the floor. She didn't even look at Clarke as she fled the bathroom, hastily making her way to the door, and throwing it open in one quick motion, before disappearing into the mass of students in the hall.

Clarke continued to gape at the now empty spot next to her before turning her head to the door, still trying to determine whether she'd just imagined the girl or not. There's truly no way that Lexa Woods, the mute, the mysterious girl who transferred at the beginning of the year and never talked to anyone, who shied away from any and all social interaction whatsoever, helped her through a panic attack. There's no way, right?

A whirlwind of thoughts consumed Clarke's mind as she tried to comprehend the situation, but only one seemed to stick.

_What the fuck, Lexa Woods?_


	2. Breathless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa confuses the shit out of Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that I took forever posting the second chapter. Final exams and projects have been taking up all my time lately, but luckily Tuesday is my last day of school before I'm free, so I'll have a lot more time to write after that. On the bright side though, this chapter is over 4000 words, so that's a great improvement from the last one. 
> 
> A quick note: Bellamy and Octavia are twins in this story, just so they could be in the same grade.
> 
> Warning: Minor use of homophobic language.

“Clarke, what's the answer to the equation?” Clarke comes out of her thoughts to see that her teacher, along with everyone else in the class is looking at her.

_Shit. What did she say?_ “Uh, what?”, Clarke answers Mrs. Johnson, a red tint rapidly rising to her cheeks out of embarrassment. She just couldn't bring herself to focus on anything today. Well, that's not necessarily unusual for her, but today it's not because of her PTSD, surprisingly. It's for a completely different reason entirely.

Lexa freaking Woods.

Clarke just can't wrap her mind around the situation. Ever since Lexa transferred to Arkadia High at the beginning of the year, she hasn't spoken a word to anyone, not even the teachers. Her classmates' interest in her has died down quite a bit since then, especially because she isolates herself in every way possible and people gave up on trying to figure her out, but that doesn't mean she isn't still gossiped about.

Most people think she's a freak, others think she's selfish for refusing to speak, and some are just indifferent. No one really knows anything about her or why she even moved here to begin with. Arkadia is a pretty small school and to have someone even transfer there is a big deal.

When the person who transfers is a mute who actively ignores everyone, it's no surprise that people gossip about them.

Clarke had been too occupied with her own issues in the past few months to bring herself to care about the new girl, and the only reason she knew anything about her was because of Raven and Octavia. Apparently they both have AP Literature and Calculus with her, and she's some kind of super genius in them. She remembers Raven complaining about how she could finish her work in about 10 minutes while the rest of the class is struggling, and then proceed to read her book which 'she's completed like a billion times', according to her.

Even then though, Clarke still couldn't bring herself to care about Lexa. _She's a girl who doesn't speak, big whoop_ , she had thought.

Now, though, everything has changed. Lexa has now seen Clarke at her most vulnerable. She saw her practically sobbing on the bathroom floor in the midst of a panic attack, and who knows what else happened while Clarke blacked out.

No one was ever supposed to find out about the episodes. They were just supposed to go away eventually, once the pain of her father's death numbed. But now someone has seen them. Granted, that someone probably wouldn't tell anyone, but still, Clarke has to diffuse the situation. She'll just have to talk to Lexa after class.

Clarke convinces herself that that's the only reason she wants to confront Lexa. _I just need to make sure she won't tell anyone, and then problem solved. She can go back to being a loner, and I can move on. It'll be fine._

“Clarke?” The teacher's voice snaps Clarke out of her stupor. She's now fixing a concerned glance at her, along with most of her classmates. _Shitshitshitshitshit, how long did I zone out for?_

“Uh-” She starts to formulate a response to neutralize the situation, but is then interrupted by the lunch bell. _Oh, thank god. I had no idea where I was going with that._

Clarke packs up her things quickly, and before anyone could stop her, bolts out of the room. She needs to get out of there, and more importantly, she needs to go talk to Lexa. She desperately hopes she hasn't left her locker yet.

Clarke walks hastily down the hall, weaving her way through chattering students and teachers alike to reach the band hallway, where she knows Lexa's locker is located. She releases a breath of relief when she arrives and sees her putting her textbooks on the top shelf. _Alright, you got this Clarke. Just tell her to keep what she saw to herself and then you can be done with it._

She walks over to the locker and makes her presence known with a clear of her throat. Clarke sees that Lexa tenses a little when she realizes she has company, but she doesn't turn to face her. Clarke releases a huff of annoyance at being ignored.

“Um, it's Lexa, right?” Clarke says initally, trying to get some form of answer. Lexa doesn't react though, instead preoccupying herself with putting her notebooks back in her locker.

Clarke was really starting to get annoyed now. _Would it kill the freak to at least acknowledge me? She doesn't even need to talk, just nod for fucks sake._

“Alright, listen up mute, I didn't even want to talk to you in the first place, but you walked in on something earlier. I don't know why you stayed, but now I'm telling you to keep your trap shut about it. Alright?” Clarke said vehemently, desperate to get some kind of answer from the girl. The girl flinched the slightest bit at Clarke's proximity to her, but she still remained silent. Instead, she shut her locker, shouldered her bag higher on her shoulder, and started to walk away in the opposite direction. Clarke just stood there, silently fuming at being ignored again and ready to stop her from leaving to get in her face again, when she heard a familiar voice shout her name behind her.

“Clarke Griffin.” A firm voice stated, causing Clarke to wince and slowly turn around. Ms. Indra was walking towards her, her face set in a firm line. Clarke readied herself for the scolding she was about to receive.

“Ms. Griffin, why weren't you in my class this morning?” She asked, her voice calm and her face stoic, but commanding all the same. Clarke drew in a breath and rubbed the back of her neck nervously. After her attack that morning and the confusion surrounding it all, Clarke barely had 10 minutes left in her first hour class, and therefore, she had decided to avoid Indra's questions and instead just go straight to her second bell. She had been hoping to dodge Indra's questioning for as long as possible, but that obviously hadn't worked out.

“Uh, you see, I was...” Clarke trailed off, her mind going blank with possible excuses to use. She winced when she realized anything she said would be an obvious lie at this point, so instead she shrugged and cast her gaze downward. She had always been intimidated by Ms. Indra, despite respecting her a great deal.

_Who could blame me though? She's fucking scary when she wants to be._

Ms. Indra raised her eyebrows when Clarke didn't give an answer, and released a sigh. “Alright Ms. Griffin, since you refuse to provide any insight onto why you missed my class this morning, I'm afraid I'll have to give you detention.” She pulled a pad of pink detention slips and a pen from her pocket and quickly scribbled the obligatory information on it before tearing it off and handing it to Clarke. Clarke would have normally argued with a teacher in hopes of getting out of the punishment, but she knew it was no use with Ms. Indra. Instead, she took the slip with a huff and headed towards the lunch room, all thoughts of Lexa replaced with how shitty this day had been so far.

Clarke entered the lunch room, sluggishly making her way over to the table she had shared with all of her friends since freshman year, and slumped into the empty seat between Raven and Octavia. Her friends, Monty, Jasper, Bellamy, Wells, Raven, and Octavia all threw her questioning glances at her uncharacteristic grumpy attitude.

Despite the fact that Clarke had been through hell in the past few months, she never played the victim. Getting told that “everything will be okay” and “it'll get better” by everyone had gotten old really fast, and thus, after the three thousandth “we're here for your Clarke” she had heard from her friends, she had told them to stop victimizing her.

And they listened.

Clarke still had bad days, obviously, but she never let her negativity show while she was around them. When she was with them, she was the same old Clarke that everyone knew and loved. The carefree, fun loving Clarke that teases Bellamy over his crush on Raven constantly, always ruffles Monty's hair affectionately when he's being the complete dork he is, and is completely happy in the presence of others. The Clarke she wished hadn't gone away and been replaced with a facade of epic proportions.

“What crawled up your ass, princess?” Bellamy asked, smirking in amusement, but also letting a hint of concern seep into his voice. Bellamy has always been very protective of his friends, and if one is in a bad mood, he's the guy to remedy it.

She winces the tiniest bit at the nickname, but quickly schools her expression, and instead, gives him a scoff and an eyeroll. She also adds a little half smile to console him, knowing he'd still be worried otherwise. She sees that he relaxes instantly, letting an easy smile rest on his face at the fact that she was okay and there was no one's ass he needed to kick at the moment.

“Nothing, Bell. I just got detention from everyone's favorite hard ass.” She says, pulling the pink slip out of her pocket as proof. Octavia takes the slip from her and reads out to the whole table, “'Failure to provide proper reasoning towards unexcused absence'. Seriously, Clarke? You actually had the balls to skip Indra's class and show up for the rest of the school day, despite what happened last time?” Octavia laughs and the rest join in, having been present during Indra's very public announcement of her absence from her class in the middle of the lunch room a few weeks ago. It had been humiliating, but she hadn't received any additional punishment for it. Clarke guesses being stared and whispered about was punishment enough for her.

“Shut up, Octavia.” Clarke mumbles, lightly pushing her playfully before snatching the detention slip back up. “Why were you late anyway, Clarke? Did you oversleep or something?” She hears Wells ask.

“I just didn't feel like going to her class today. I decided to catch up on a little sleep instead since someone kept me up 'till 2 am last night going on and on about how cute her boyfriend is.” Clarke lies, throwing a mock glare towards Octavia to add to the act.

Octavia's cheeks flushed pink at the mention of Lincoln, and Bellamy narrowed his eyes slightly towards his twin sister. Bellamy had always been extremely protective over Octavia and hadn't been too keen on her dating the tall intimidating senior at first. He had been all too skeptical in the first few months they started dating. Octavia absolutely despised when he would interrogate her about the relationship, so Bellamy resorted to extreme measures to keep an eye on her, even following her and Lincoln to their dates and stealthily spying on them from a distance a couple of times. Finally, though, after a few months of getting to know Lincoln, Bellamy had finally calmed down with the prying. Lincoln and Bellamy were actually friends now, being workout buddies and going to a boxing class together twice a week. That doesn't mean Bellamy is completely over Octavia's relationship anymore though. He just hides it better than he used to.

Clarke forces a smile as the whole table then started up a conversation on why Raven should be banned from the chemistry lab, as she had already caused six mini explosions in Mr. Sinclair's room since the year started. Luckily, Mr. Sinclair saw Raven as his own daughter more than he did as a student, as she had known him since she was young and they both shared a passionate love for physics, and thus, let it slide most of the time. They all take turns teasing her, as she sits there with her arms crossed and her lips pouted, but an amused twinkle in her eyes all the same.

Clarke inwardly sighs. She wishes she could connect with her friends like she used to. They may not feel a huge divide between them and her much anymore, as Clarke keeps up an impressive facade, but Clarke has felt extremely isolated in the few months since her father's death and the panic attacks started up. She guesses it's because she can't relate to their cheery attitudes and outlooks on life as much anymore, as much as she wants to, as well as the fact that she lies to them in almost every conversation. She hates lying to her friends about how she really feels, but she just can't bring herself to destroy their group dynamic. She doesn't want all the sympathetic glances, and the concerned tones, and the incredibly over the top protectiveness. She just wants everything to go back to how it was a few months ago. Before all this shit started.

She forces herself to come out of her thoughts. _Smile, Clarke. They'll suspect something if you don't._

For what feels like the millionth time, she forces a smile onto her face, and quickly joins into the current discussion, aka Operation: 'Stop being a pussy Jasper and just ask Maya out already'.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke huffs in annoyance as the last bell of the day rang. Detention is not much to look forward to, after all. Clarke had only been in a detention twice before in her high school career. Once, when she got roped into one of Raven and Octavia's schemes in freshman year to mess with Mr. Kane, the gym teacher, by filling the gym with alarm clocks set off to go at one minute time intervals. It had been hilarious to see Mr. Kane all flustered with twenty five different alarm clocks going off at the same time, but unfortunately for Clarke, she'd made the idiotic mistake of bringing the alarm clock with her name on the bottom of it.

She had been interrogated for information on who had helped her with the scheme, but she hadn't given Raven and Octavia up. In retribution, though, she had been forced to sit through a month of after school detention with Mr. Kane specifically, doing tasks such as inflating basketballs or cleaning up under the very old, very disgusting bleachers. It had been hell, but Raven and Octavia did treat her to days of Netflix and junk food eating as thanks for not ratting them out, so that had lessened the hellishness of the experience the tiniest bit.

The second time she had gotten detention was towards the end of sophomore year. She had seen John Murphy, the school's resident jackass, slamming Nathan Miller into the wall behind the school. Nathan had just recently come out as gay and had been seen being affectionate towards an already out kid in school, Bryan. Clarke had seen Murphy harassing him, and immediately went to break up the ordeal. She pulled Murphy off of Miller, telling him to fuck off. And when Murphy retaliated by asking her why she was defending “a fucking fag” she had gotten so pissed off that she had punched him in the face, essentially breaking his nose and landing her detention. The punishment is usually harsher in a situation involving violence at the school, but after hearing the whole story between both Clarke and Murphy, and since Murphy had a history of getting into fights with students, Principal Jaha had decided to give Murphy 2 days of suspension and Clarke two weeks of detention.

Clarke rounds the corner of the hall to get to the detention room, internally groaning at the thought of sitting in a room full of delinquents and doing nothing for 2 hours. _Well, at least it will give me time to figure out what to do about-oh shit. No. No. No. You've got to be shitting me._

Clarke freezes in the doorway, her eyes locking on the girl sitting in the back row, her face buried in that damn book again.

_Why the fuck is she here?_

_She probably got detention like you for skipping class, dumbass. She probably got in trouble because of **you**. _

Clarke feels a pang of guilt in her chest at the thought. _Not only did I give her shit earlier for helping me through a panic attack, but she also got_ detention _because of me. Way to be appreciative asshole._

Clarke also gets nervous though. Because the only damn seat left in the whole classroom is right next to her. _Great, just fucking great._

She grits her teeth, making her way through the rows of the schools' resident stoners and underachievers to get to the back of the classroom, slowly lowering herself in the seat next to the girl. Lexa doesn't look up from her book though, which Clarke finally realizes is titled _Lord of the Flies_. Clarke hasn't read it, but she doesn't know what possibly could be so interesting about it that would cause Lexa to read over and over again, as Octavia and Raven had told her she does.

Clarke watches as Lexa's eyes scan the pages of the book faster than Clarke's ever seen, internally awing as she turns the page to the book a mere 33 seconds after turning the last one.

She had never really focused on Lexa much before. She really had no reason to, she had much bigger issues of her own to focus on. But now, she looked at her and takes in every detail. The way her eyebrows scrunch up the tiniest bit behind her glasses, sitting at the tip of her nose. The way her braid sits on her shoulder, a few loose hairs sticking out, but overall perfect in it's design. The way her tongue wets her lips when she's about to turn the page. Everything.

Too bad it doesn't last.

“Hey, princess!” A booming voice resounds through the room, hitting Clarke's ears at full force and immediately causing the hairs of her neck to stand on end. _Fuck._

She turns to face the boy, scowling as she did. _Of course he would be in detention today. He's_ always _in detention._

“What, _Finn_?” She hisses his name out in disdain, causing his smirk to widen. _God, what the fuck did I ever see in him?_

He rises from his seat on the other side of the room, putting his hands on the deck in front of him to lean closer to Clarke. Clarke immediately feels the overwhelming urge to flee, her heart rate rising rapidly and her heart beat resounding in her ears.

“Hey, no need to be snappy, princess. I won't _bite_.” He fires back, raising his eyebrow towards the end and lifting his hands in mock surrender. She freezes up entirely at that, leaving her gaping at him. He chuckles at her horror and opened his mouth to say something else when Mr. Kane walked into the classroom.

“Take your seat, Mr. Collins.” He says, causing Finn to roll his eyes and drop back in his seat. Clarke relaxes a little with his attention off of her for a second, but she remains tense nonetheless. Her heartbeat is still booming in her ears and her hands are still shaking in her lap, but she's okay. _It's only 2 hours. You can do this_.

She turns around in her seat, only to realize that Lexa's gaze was on her. When Lexa realizes, she quickly snaps her gaze down to lap, her book being presumably put away as they weren't allowed in detention. Clarke watches as Lexa shifts uncomfortably in her seat under Clarke's gaze that was fixated on her. Clarke now feels the guilt rise up in her again at the notion that Lexa now feels nervous around her. She needs to tell her she was sorry, somehow.

She is pulled away from her thoughts, however, by Mr. Kane at the front of the classroom. “Alright, this is detention. Most of you have already been here in the past, repeatedly, perhaps,” he threw a pointed gaze at Finn, “but some of you have not. So just to clarify, you will sit in those chairs for two hours, you will not speak, you will not sleep, you will not do anything but stare at the wall and wait for the 2 hours to be over. Are we clear?” He receives eyerolls and groans in response and Mr. Kane just shakes his head in disdain, probably because he got stuck monitoring it again.

Now, with the room completely silent with only the sounds of the overhead clock ticking, Clarke is at a lost. The last time she'd been in detention had been before the incident. Her thoughts weren't so scary back then. She could handle being lost in them for extended periods of time. Now, though, Clarke's thoughts are filled with nothing but pain. Everything she thinks about always leads back to one specific heartbreak or another. All there is, is pain.

_No, I refuse to just sit here and think. I need to focus on something else._ Clarke immediately turns to the girl next to her again. What she really needs to do is convey how sorry she was for verbally attacking her earlier. All Lexa had done was help her through a panic attack. Clarke had just been so frustrated with the lack of response from Lexa that she had lashed out. But who was she to judge, right? She needs to apologize.

Clarke looks to Mr. Kane to see him reading behind his desk. _He's not looking. Write her a note or something._

Clarke stealthily reaches in her bag to grab a piece of paper and a pen and writes her a note quickly.

_**Hey, I'm really sorry for earlier. All you did was help me and I shouldn't have blown up at you like that.** _

She rereads it once more before tearing it off and folding it up. She makes sure Kane is looking once more before sliding the sheet of paper onto Lexa's desk.

Lexa looks at the note immediately and Clarke sees the hesitation in her eyes. She wants to give her a reassuring nod to let her know that the note isn't mean or anything, but Lexa never looks at her. After a few moments, Lexa slowly grabs the paper off her desk and unfolds it. Clarke watches as her eyes scan over the words on the page. She's stays like that for a couple of minutes, paper in lap and eyes scanning the page every once in a while before she refolds the paper and puts it in her pocket.

Clarke sits there shocked. She thought that even if Lexa wouldn't talk to her, she would at least write back to her. Even a simple “ok” would suffice! _Did I really scare her that bad that she won't even write a note back to me?_

Clarke pulls another piece of paper out of her bag and jots down a few more words.

_**Does that mean you don't forgive me??** _

Clarke folds it and carefully slides on to Lexa's desk again, so that it was situated right in front of her. Lexa furrows her eyebrows at the paper, obviously confused at receiving yet another note. She doesn't touch it for a few minutes, and Clarke thinks she's just going to ignore it, when finally, she takes the paper.

This time, Lexa only lets her eyes scan over it for a few seconds. She then bends over away from Clarke and Clarke's eyes widen when she comes back up holding a pen.

Clarke watches as Lexa stares at the page for a while before finally writing something. Clarke feels herself getting excited at the prospect of Lexa actually _communicating_ with her.

Lexa finishes writing and slowly, slides the note back on Clarke's desk, never sparing her a glance. Clarke unfolds the note quickly and silently anticipates what it says.

_**I won't tell anyone.** _

Clarke rereads the note. Then she reads it again. Then again. She reads those 4 words over and over again until they barely register any meaning in her anymore.

_That's it? That's all?_

_Isn't that what you wanted though, Griffin? For her to stay silent about it and that's all?_

_I mean, yeah, but...that's it?_

Clarke slowly lifts her head from the note in her lap and almost jumps when she's Lexa facing her.

Clarke's eyes widen comically, when she sees Lexa's stare locked on her's. She scans those forest green eyes which look so dull with apathy but yet also vibrant in it's hues. Clarke has no idea how long she stares at those worldly eyes for, but before she knows it, Lexa gives her a quick nod of the head and turns back forward, as if nothing had just happened.

As if she hadn't just almost given Clarke a heart attack by just _looking_ at her.

Clarke is frozen. Starstruck. Her head fills with thoughts about what this girl could possibly mean with her ambiguity. She wonders how this girl can say so much with just 4 words and a nod of her head, and the irony of that statement leaves her frazzled for the remainder of the detention.

She doesn't even realize that for the first time in months, being left with her thoughts wasn't so scary after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. I tried to delve a little more into how Clarke has been interacting with other's in this chapter, as well as drop a little foreshadowing for what's to come. 
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> Thank you to everyone who gave kudos on the first chapter and commented nice things! And thank you to that user who told me the proper length of a panic attack, I had no idea and I will try to remedy that later on in the story.


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